Tag Archives: inspire

I NEED to stop saying this.

I NEED a new car.

I NEED to find a partner.

I NEED to make more money.

I NEED to workout tomorrow.

We all NEED so much these days, don’t we? I know I do.

But guess what? The more we repeat that mantra to ourselves, the more we acknoledge our lack of.  Repeating that simple word over and over throughout the day sucks the energy right out of our intentions. We’re actually less likely to make that thing happen because we’re recognizing and affirming our void.

You may NEED to get to the gym next week, but what if you started telling your friends that you are EXCITED to get back to your workout routine? What if you said you will really ENJOY eating fresh fruit for breakfast tomorrow morning? Maybe you are feeling GIDDY about the possibility of meeting someone new this week. What if you found it THRILLING to imagine finding a job that allows you to travel and afford to buy groceries for a stranger whenever you want?

It may feel funny and fake at first, but if you continue to retrain your thought patterns, you might notice you start to really believe the positive affirmation. 

TRY IT: 

Fill in the blank and say out loud: I NEED __________.

Repeat that 10 times.

Now rephrase: I’m so EXCITED to ____________.

Repeat that 10 times.

Did you immediately feel like what you want is more possible?

What is that you are EXCITED to accomplish this week?

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Creating a Show-Up, Not Give-Up Kinda Life

Fitness matters. It matters more than calories in, calories out. It matters more than a number on a scale. It even matters more than getting a six pack by June (and, yes, that has recently been a hashtag on my Insta).

Since moving to Las Vegas two months ago, there has hardly been a day that I haven’t sweat or pushed myself beyond what I thought my physical limits were. And while I have seen significant and welcome changes to my physique, the real change has been mental.

I’m learning that pain and struggle are surmountable, that challenge isn’t a bad word and that if you keep showing up, it does get easier. It becomes your lifestyle to keep showing up.

I had a meeting with a commercial agent today that didn’t go very well. She told me that she had no room for me, she wouldn’t book me and that I looked much older than my picture. Folks, that hurt. I most definitely had a moment of “can I handle this?” going through my head.

But then I went on a run tonight. And let me express how much I am intimidated by running. I don’t think I’m built for it and I kind of, sort of hate it, but I know I’ve got to show up and challenge myself in that area.

During the run I thought to myself, “This is why I workout. If you just keep going, despite being uncomfortable, despite the pain, despite feeling like giving up, you’re eventually to get what you want.”

Okay, so I didn’t think EXACTLY that. But it was something like that, interjected with thoughts about my burning calves, tight chest and the stupidity I felt for running right after downing some pork chops and quinoa.

The point it is, I can’t let someone’s opinion stop me from doing what I love to do and I can’t let a little burn in my calves stop me from finishing the run. Every day that I get up and push myself physically a little further than I’ve been before, I’m also creating a mental toughness that will feed the rest of my life.

Get up and get out there. Though I do suggest you start sweating doing something you love, not something you kind of, sort of hate. 😉

Shayla

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The Year of YES

2014 is The Year of YES!

When you’re offered an opportunity that scares you a little, challenges you, or puts you a bit outside your comfort zone, do you say YES?

Instead, do you feel a tightness in your chest when you say NO? Are you shutting off the voice inside that is saying “DO IT!”? If so, you’re probably missing out.

I’ve started to think about my life as an actual road trip. As I travel, I get to chose which turns I make, how fast I go, and what people I pick up along the way. Make no mistake about it: the relationships you choose to develop will determine your journey. The people you meet along the way know someone that will be your next client, have the sources to take you to the next level, will inspire you, challenge you and offer you chances to further yourself toward your goals. But if you say NO to that coffee date, networking meeting, yoga class, free seminar, audition, or chance to show your skills, well…you’ve decided not to see what’s behind Curtain Number 1, which could be a BRAND NEW CAR!

Okay, maybe not. But, maybe.

I can’t even begin to explain how fruitful the Year of Yes has been for me and it’s only Spring! I’ve done work for free, bartered services and talents, traveled hundreds of miles for a chance at a gig, invested in new equipment, made friends out of strangers–all in the name of YES. Most of these actions have led to new and exciting opportunities for my career.

You only have something to gain by following your highest intuition and saying YES to things that challenge you to grow a bit beyond yourself. One day, saying YES will be our second nature and then can you imagine where we’ll be?

Tell me one thing you’re going to say YES to below. I’d love to hear from you!

You can also find me on Facebook.

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Shoot and Score- The Corniest Title of My Blog Thus Far

I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t feel very “Positively Shayla” today. In fact, I feel pretty much like crap. I had to literally sit my workout clothes outside the shower at 3pm so I would be forced to put them on without leaving the bathroom. I haven’t worked out in over a week and I’m starting to drag. My outlook is 95% more glum if I don’t sweat on the regular.

I’m also in a period of “uncertainty” right now. I have NO idea what the next year of my life is going to look like. I know what I want to accomplish, but a lot of that is going to rely on where geographically I am in the country and that folks, is anyone’s guess.

So, I really needed to write something today. I need to write to get myself into a new feeling.

Recently my boyfriend Nick and I were over at his friend’s house who has one of those arcade basketball hoop games. You know what I’m talking about? With the mini basketballs and such? Well, anyhoo, they have this VERY dramatic whiteboard on the refrigerator that keeps tally of the all-time top scores. It’s serious stuff. The last time we were there, Nick left the high score on the board at something like 103. As to be expected, he was pretty confident about it.

We come back to his friend’s house this next time and whaddyaknow? Someone BEAT his score with 113. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Well, now he had to do something about it. Nick played that game over and over and over for the next twenty minutes, determined to beat the score. And guess what? He did. He left his friend’s house that night with his name on the board and a new all-time high of 116 points.

I tell you all of this for a reason, trust me. While beating a hoops game is all fun and good, the real point I’m trying to make here is 116 didn’t seem possible the first night we were there. No one had ever done that before. It wasn’t until he saw 113 that Nick KNEW he could beat it. He set his sites on a specific number and he accomplished it.

I think there’s something to learn here. We’ve got to get specific about what we want or we’ll never know what we can accomplish. Not only do we have to know what we want to accomplish, but we’ve got to know that it’s possible. Nick saw that someone else had done it, so why couldn’t he? Our long-term goals are the same.

What outfit are you going to wear on which date on the calendar? What job are you going to have next year and how much it going to pay? How many deep friendships will you cultivate in the next 12 months and what will those friendships look like?

Seek out others who have accomplished what you’re trying to do and go do it. Do it better, even.

Let’s take some cues from the bachelor pad board of fame and put our names on the whiteboard! (just let me have it)

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“I’m Not Okay With This” and other scary sayings.

1

“Ah!”

Growing up, I was always the little girl who stood up for herself. Whenever my group of friends would get in fights in elementary school, I was the one who said, “That isn’t what happened! This isn’t right!” or other 3rd grade musings that would inevitably make some portion of the group of little ladies angry with me. I didn’t understand this. It didn’t make sense! Why was I in trouble for simply stating the truth? Why did I become the bad guy for pointing out what was happening?

Because I like having people like me, I learned over the years to soften my expressions. I started saying things that pleased people instead of ruffling their feathers. Sure, sure, I still maintained a loud mouth about so many issues (i.e. marriage equality, C’MON), but when it came to standing up for myself, stating my worth when I was being taken advantage of, I just stopped doing it.

Do I mind if you pay me less than what we agreed to? No, no, perfectly fine! Can I stay later to work even though I really need to go right now? OF COURSE! Anything you need. My time has no value at all. Oh, you’re canceling our plans for the third time in a row? Yah, let’s meet up next week! Cancel again if you want, I really like it!

And, so on.

It becomes even harder to stand up for ourselves when the other person has something we want; whether it be friendship, love, a job, or the big one- approval. Do we risk saying “I’m not okay with this” even if it gets a negative reaction? What if we are totally honest and they rip the thing we want from our grasp? Is it worth it? My answer is: HELL YES.

We are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated. If we allow someone to take advantage of us from the start, it becomes the norm. This doesn’t mean he or she is a bad person, we’ve all taken advantage of someone from time to time, it just means they don’t know any better. They don’t understand your rules because they aren’t you. Every time you speak up, you create a rule. That way, everyone involved understands when a line has been crossed and issues can be cleared away much more quickly.

And if by chance you lose the thing you want by owning your worth, my guess is, you’re better off any way. Eventually you’ll find the person or thing you need by being 100% your authentic self.

I guess little Shayla was on to something. Since it’s Halloween and all, I’m going to the cauldron to call up my 3rd grade self. She knew what was up.

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I stopped running and then it found me.

My entire life I’ve been on the move. After college, I didn’t spend more than a few months in one city before I was jetting off to another! Sometimes it felt like progress because I’d be moving for a job or leaving to go on a multiple city tour, but there were also times that I just felt like nothing was happening in my life, so I better leave to go find itMaybe I’d move to California or Mexico or go teach in Europe or move home to Indiana?! It would be awesome for awhile. Change has always been exciting for me. After awhile though, the same sinking feeling of being unfulfilled would start to sink in. I wanted another change and another, never actually finding what I wanted.

My latest move brought me back to my roots; in good ole’ Southern Indiana. I felt like it was the right move for me and I had this gut feeling that it was meant to be.  Well, it was meant to be alright, but I had NO IDEA what I was really in for. What this move did for me was force me to stay in one place for an extended period of time. I got a job. I made commitments. I made promises. I rooted myself for awhile. There have been moments over the past year where I’ve thought “What have I done? I’m trapped!”  I felt the urge to run away. The beautiful thing is, I couldn’t. I had to stay and feel the growing pains. You see, before, whenever I felt the pains start, I wouldn’t let them finish. I’d get my fix of change to satisfy me until they started up again. This time, I stayed and waited. I waited and waited and waited for the feelings to pass. And they did.

It wasn’t long until I started searching right where I was for my answers. I started making things happen for myself WITHOUT changing my latitude and longitude. The result has been remarkable. I have made more things happen for my career, love life, body and mind in my freakin’ hometown than I did in four years traveling in over 25 states and 3 countries. Whhhat? It’s true! Because I forced myself to feel all the feelings, I reaped incredible amounts of growth.

Now, I’m not saying that I won’t be traveling and exploring in the future. I’d personally like to see every surface of the globe in my lifetime (I think it’s reasonable). I’m just expressing the miracle I’ve seen in my own life; waiting out the hard stuff, to get to the good stuff. Ralph Waldo Emerson says it best:

 “Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.”

Mmmhm. Good stuff, Ralph.

And I don’t think he’s only referring to physical travel. I like to believe he means all kinds of escapes. We use different methods of escaping our realities everyday.  We use relationships, the internet, our work, our friends, food, alcohol, you name it! We use it.  I’m finding that the more I sit and wait out the hurt or discomfort, without making any drastic decisions, the more powerful I eventually feel.

Hill Harper is another incredible mind. He said:

“The most effective way to heal is to “grow” through the hurt, and that takes strength, courage, and commitment. “

Oh, Hill, you have a way with words.

We must find the strength and courage to commit to the wait. We have no idea what exciting gifts are around the corner, but they gotta know our addresses to find us.

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Care for some coffee with that Ego, Shayla?

Picture this:

A new, cozy outfit on a warm afternoon. I’m feeling good. I walk into our local coffee house and am all smiles as I order my hot chai tea latte, while making small talk with the sweet, organically clothed barista. I snuggle into the worn, lime-green couch with a brand new book. I take in the scene; nothing unusual about it except for the turned up mustache of the dread locked hippie, scrolling Facebook across the coffee table. 

This scene continues on for awhile, the sounds of mindless chatter all around me, until I overhear one hippie (and I use that term for lack of a better) say to the other: “Ya, there haven’t been any hot girls in here at all. Except for two earlier and they left.”

Hm. Okay. I can hear you right now. Oh well. Moving on.

After trying not to listen to any more of their important conversation, I get up to throw away my things and leave. 

Hippie 1: “Do you think she’s hot?” (referring to me)
Hippie 2: “No.”

Let me go ahead and pause this narrative for a second. 

The moment I heard this, my immediate thought was “Seriously?? Ouch! That hurts”. I struggled not to say something and definitely chose to ponder on it for more seconds than it was worth. Was it my outfit? Was I sitting in bad lighting? Was I just unattractive? And so on, beating myself up for someone else’s perspective (and rudely loud conversation).

Higher Self Shayla knows to send these negative thoughts out the ear from whence they came, but I have to admit, I began to drown a bit…treading water, if you will.

Okay. Back to the narrative. Cut to THIRTY SECONDS LATER.

I’m backing out of the parking lot, still reeling over Hippie 2’s comment. In that exact moment, Other Guy From Coffee House, we’ll call him, runs up to my window, waving his arms for me to stop my car and hold on. 

“Excuse me,” Other Guy From Coffee House stammers, “I would just hate myself if I let you leave this place without introducing myself. I don’t know what your situation is and I don’t know how to do this, but I’d love to ask you out to do something sometime.”

(Omg. Never has the Universe delivered a lesson so quickly.)

I proceed to thank him so much for the offer and explain that I’m very happily in a relationship, but I tell him about the conversation I just overheard in the coffee shop and how nice it is to hear a counter argument so quickly.

Other Guy From Coffee House blushes and says, “Well, take it as a compliment. You’re very attractive.”

And scene.

Okay, folks. That was a lot for my ego in 30 seconds. Being who-I-am, however, I wasn’t going to NOT analyze it, amIright?

The thing is- I can’t put weight into EITHER of these opinions- whether seemingly positive or negative.  Too often, we’re searching for the world’s approval about our jobs, our looks, our bodies, our houses, our Facebook photos and on and on and on. The day at the coffee house showed me how vastly different two perspectives can be and how NONE of them have any real affect on who I am! We are beautiful because WE THINK WE ARE. We are strong and successful because WE THINK WE ARE? Get it?!

It has nothing and, I mean nothing, to do with what other people think. Growing up in the theater community, I never fully understood why some people don’t read even the really great reviews that get written about their performances. I totally get it now. If we put value in people’s opinions about us, even the really great ones, then we are quite literally training our minds to put equal weight on their negative views. The two cannot be separated.

Today, I choose to be grateful to be called “not-hot”. I’m stripping that statement of its power by saying: HECK YES I AM! Because, I think so.

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August 14, 2013 · 9:34 pm