It’s true. After my family threw me a beautiful shower, full of genuine love, I had a full-on panic attack. You can ask my maid of honor. I was ashamed to admit it to my mom, especially, but the entire two hours of gifts, and love, and games, I was tortured with thoughts of uncertainty: Are the guests happy? Am I funny enough? Are they bored? Have I thanked people enough? Do they really love me?
And then it hit me: I’m going to ruin my wedding day for myself, my future husband, and all the people I love, if I don’t do something about my anxiety.
You see, wedding planning, or anything else for that matter, didn’t cause my anxiety. I did.
When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I realized that if I didn’t give my opinion, my friends wouldn’t be mad at me. The second I stuck up for something or said how I truly felt, inevitably, one of my friends would get mad.
“Well, easy. I just won’t be my full self.”
And that’s where it began. Since then, I’ve constantly worried about my life and what other people thought of it. I have told myself that if I am truly honest and truly vulnerable, that other people won’t like me.
The uncertainty about how other people will feel on my wedding day has been my focus. But the reality that I might ruin one of the most special days of my life has created a shift in me: I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.
As the universe would have it, I ran into a woman named Dr. Kay Corpus. She’s using a holistic, integrative approach to help me get to the bottom of my anxiety and figure out what’s really going on.
I’ve made a lot of progress in our first two sessions, and as the wedding day approaches, I’m feeling calmer and calmer, which I think is a good sign.
I wrote this blog simply to tell you that if you have anxiety, if you fear the unknown, if you worry about what other people think, if you have thoughts that make your back hurt, your chest tight, or give you headaches…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
You have the power to change your life. You have the power to set yourself free. It’s what I’m attempting to do right now, so that I can open myself up to a peaceful, fulfilled, authentic existence.
My wedding day is going to be a beautiful, uplifting, spiritual day, full of the love that Nick and I share. And it will be, because I will resonate those things from the inside-out.
I hope you’ll reach out to me if any of this resonated with you. Anxiety can be a very isolating experience, but it doesn’t have to be.
Lots of love,
PS. While you’re planning the gorgeous details of your fabulous wedding, don’t forget to focus on the gorgeous details of your fabulous inner-being. 😉