February is the time when a lot of us, single or taken, start to reflect on the idea of love. I don’t write about it a lot here because I consider myself FAR from an expert. It’s taken me a long time to get to a place where I accept love from other people without questioning or doubting it.
But tis the season! And so I’d like to impart a single piece of relationship advice that I’ve learned recently. It’s one that I think applies to any deep connection, but especially those of the romantic sort. It goes something like this:
Don’t ask your partner trick questions. And if you’re asked the questions- never, EVER answer them.
You know what I’m talking about. Those questions or comments that you KNOW you won’t like the answer to OR you actually already know the answer! Maybe it’s about how attractive another person is, digging a little too deep in the “Ex Files” or forcing your partner to answer the infamous “Can you tell I’ve gained weight right here in this very spot? Look. Look harder. Can’t you see the little bit of fat there? Can’t you see how tight my jeans are??”
I mean, seriously? How are those questions supposed to be answered? If he (or she, just using the two sexes for ease of writing) replies, “Yes, honey, you do look huge. I can definitely see what you’re talking about,” well, hell, you’re crying and mad for days. If he says, “Nope. don’t see a thing. You look exactly the same,” you’re upset he isn’t being honest with you.There is no right answer.
The only good choice is refusing to indulge yourself in this way.
It’s just not fair to either of you. Love doesn’t set traps. Now, when I find myself setting my partner up for failure, I take a moment and decide what I’m really trying to do. Do I have both our interests at heart?
We’ve all got to take responsibility for our feelings. We can’t blame our partners when we know we’ve put them in a lose/lose situation. If you have a habit of starting conversations that you know aren’t fruitful, I challenge you to give them up for a day or two and see what happens to your relationship.
Happy Valentine Month! Keep on lovin’.