It’s not my parents, my best friend, my boyfriend, my co-worker or my sibling.
We all have certain habits and patterns that show up in our lives, most likely on a daily basis. We react to certain people, words and actions in ways that we have trained ourselves to react. It’s almost like we have decided before the moment even occurs! These reactions are so deeply rooted in our insecurity that we don’t even recognize the ownership of them.
When he says THAT, I get jealous.
When she does THAT, it pisses me off.
When I can’t have THAT, it hurts my feelings.
The truth is: we can’t control anything but our reaction.
SO, how do I retrain myself? How do I change my reaction so THAT doesn’t bother me anymore? We gotta delve into it.
Lately, I’ve gotten into the habit (because some habits are great) of writing letters to myself. Believe, these letters are FMEO (For My Eyes Only- if you were never a 12 year-old girl with a diary). I allow myself to explain to myself what is really going on here. By the end of the letter, I usually come to grips with the fact that I have control over how I feel about the situation and by changing my perspective, I’ve taken much of the pressure off everyone.
Sometimes, it’s fun to write a letter to the person who “caused” the reaction. What would you say to them if you REALLY let yourself be vulnerable? What would they say back? WRITE IT OUT! Often, their response will surprise you. It’s as if you get to solve the problem without ever having to actually involve the other person. In this way, we are creating strength within ourselves. We no longer need anyone else’s validation or approval. It is empowering to find yourself gaining control over a situation that used to control you.
I believe that by continuing to excavate the issue each time, you will find yourself in control more and more. Anyway, it’s way more fun to write congratulatory letters to yourself for kicking an issue’s butt out the door.